Remember my voice again.

I remember that feeling.

Like hot liquid rushing over your shoulders..

Like stars dancing over your cheeks, glistening..

Like you made me feel special, needed.



I remember what I would do.

I'd run my fingers through your hair while I'd gently scratch that itch of yours.

The itch that only I knew about..

Your itch of desire, the one you hid from everyone else..

Like you and I shared one soul, one mind.



I still have your scent on my pillows, my clothes, my skin.

I can't ignore the chills it still sends up my back.. even if they're not very strong.

You and I used to be strong.. we were a tag-team, never to abandon the other..

Then why did you..?



I remember late at night when I would give you massages, just because you were achy from your time of month.

I'd gently massage your shoulders.. your sides.. never expecting to receive a thing.

But when I would, I'd assume that you meant it..

Everything.. everything I gave your way.

Even though you'd never admit you were gay.


I still hear your voice when you whispered to me, "wanna get married someday..?"

I remember that sensation in my chest, when I hugged you for the first time after not seeing you for months and months.. lonely months..  the tears that welled in my eyes.

Then why are my eyes still clouded when I hear your name..?

And why do you still cry when you see me..? if you never even loved me..



I feel the laughter on my shoulders, when you'd hug me from behind.. tell me I was special..

Were you so sincere..? Or was this another masquerade of yours..

Wear thee a mask evermore..? Oh sweet Juliet, don't dare ring me sore..



Though I wish I could forget, I remember how dumb I felt in comparison to you.

You spun circles around me.. even slow danced with me a few times.. but only in the shadows, never aglow..  no one would ever see the remnants of us together.

Glass shattered on the floor like a forgotten memory, and so I have forgotten you.

Or have I just yet.

Keep still, old soul, leave me to rest..  don't speak of me again. You're a bloody liar.. you never even loved me.

Or did you not see the love in my eyes.. but never heard the words come out of my mouth.. such as..  I .. love.. you

Know not of this, do I.. but..  I have forgotten your spirit.. no longer do I tingle under your touch.

Ha, little allure-girl. You siren, you slut, you.. you.. alluring mistress. you little... 'allure- ess'

Call me what you may, but let it be known that my blood still pulses through your veins, just as unmistakeably as it lies still on your hands, dried and rusted there in time.

..



How can I speak when pain berids me of you. Or so does it..? ..

I'm confused, I'm confused.. still haunted by dreams of you.. and I still see your face sometimes..


Be what it may. I may forget thee someday.


That's okay.. that's okay. but I will not forget you. Nor what you did to me.. but take into account that we're both just children.. we were back then too- children drunk with curiosity..  don't plague yourself in your own regret.

.. .Regrettest thou loving me..?

How can I say when I have not removed my head from this stone of a pillow.

So be it..  ..


.. maybe what I'm feeling still is regret.. and.. maybe just a bit of pity..

.. pity means that I still care..

caring means that I still empathize..

I cannot lie, I now understand you.


And you shall always understand me too. Bound are we by this experience..


Be what it may- I will never forget what you did to me.
All I wish for you to do is remember the nights where I held you.. when I kept you alive with my own blood.. my own heart pumped blood for you, dear disdain.

.. .

but there was no one here to pump blood for me when you broke me.

..

but remember, remember still. Those cold nights. those forgotten tears..

could you say you loved me again..?